Just another day

The alarm goes off

For the fourth time


The monologue starts

“get up you piece of shit”

“get up you piece of shit”

“get up you piece of shit”

I stumbled to bath room

Head down as I enter

Avoiding the gaze of the mirror

I place my head against the wall

Focusing against the thoughts

Raging thru my brain

Work, family,

the people I have disappointed

the art I have not created

I close my eyes

And my hand tightens around my hair

Smashing my head into the wall

I feel the plaster crack

And a brief moment  of distraction


Entering the shower

my hands run over the hair on my body

a clear example of who I am not

a small scream slips out

a blur later I am on the road

the drive to work

too long

too short

the truck up ahead


and my foot teeters


the gas

the brake

a moment later the car


but then

I slow the vehicle

What right do I have

To drag a stranger into my hell

What right do I have

To transfer my pain

to my wife

to my child

the drive continues

the sad performance for one


for if I was truly in pain

 I would have done it

A blur later

I sit at my desk

Place the headphones on

Closing out the world

See an email from

A Friend  

And the shadow retreats

A step

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